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Your partner will be ready in five "minutes". You have since watched a whole film, ironed a shirt and aged slightly.

The calendar invite says it's a "quick" catch up. It has an agenda with nine points and a part two on Thursday.

Just one "biscuit" with your tea. The packet has a resealable strip. It will never be needed.

Your friend goes to the gym "regularly". He means the direct debit goes out regularly.

Why it caught on: Mike Myers as Dr Evil in Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery (1997) put air quotes round the word "laser" with total seriousness, and it's the perfect gesture for calling out a claim nobody believes, including the person making it.

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